Book of Rememberance

Malachi 3:16

Its all about me!

on November 19, 2011

The past two days I have been thinking about….ME!

Its one of those life reflection things we go through I guess. I’m not sure exactly. I was reading a pretty good book last night (Return of the Raider) it’s basically about a POW who bombed Japan and was captured after the bombing, held in solitary war prison for a few yrs and he became a christian in the prison and vowed to return to Japan if/when he got out to be a missionary and share the Love of Jesus. (Run on sentence anyone?!) It’s a great read and I can understand a lot of his perspective having lived in Japan now about 5 years (wow that long?!)

Anyhow something in the book really made me think. He said that he wished he liked himself more. He was so tired of spending time with himself. Couldn’t stand the thought of more time alone with …him. It made me think about how I am very similar.

I don’t hate myself or anything. Actually I enjoy time alone. However most of my alone time is spent “working” on me!  I have learned so much and God is always in the process of conforming us to His Image. But on the other hand I’m never really alone. I have my books, my teachings, my hang ups, my criticisms ect with me the whole time.

I was watching Joyce Meyer today. I Love her but havent watched her in ages (because of said books!) So I randomly clicked on a past episode. I laughed when I heard she was going to teach on the self. taking care of yourself and learning to love yourself. Enjoying spending time with yourself. I was cracking up! God is too funny that way!

One thing she said was that the Bible teaches us to love others as we love ourselves. Yikes. I sure hope I’m nicer to other people than I am to myself.  She pointed out that if you expect perfection from yourself you will expect it from others, if your are critical of your self you will be that way with others.

This is very much me! I don’t consider myself a smart person. I’m no idiot but I am not particularly smart.  But since I don’t consider myself to be too quick, I get really frustrated and annoyed with people who can’t do/get what I do. It’s funny because its out of a compliment that my frustration comes. You are obviously smarter than me… whats your problem!  If I can figure this out……whats your problem. I never expect more from others than from myself. I am not hypocritical in that way. I treat myself the way I treat others often worse. I give myself no mercy/second chances/leeway or rest – you can just imagine how pleasant I am with others.

When  things grab my attention and peak my interest I find that almost always its God communicating with me about my life. So next comes the confirmation. And without fail God comes through with a different source saying something on the same topic that helps me to put the pieces together like a puzzle. This topic is obviously of interest to Him regarding me. So here begins another journey, trying to learn this idea about “love others as yourself” when really first I need to learn to love myself.  The Bree Jesus died for. The Child of God created in His Image, being constantly conformed to that Image more and more by His Loving Hands.

As I type this I am thinking to myself YADDA (Japanese for yuck, uhhhg ,grrr) I don’t wanna! I don’t want to learn about myself. I don’t want to face myself any deeper. I definitely don’t want to face the garbage that is inside me, but how can I love others if I don’t first take this path with the Lord? I know it will bring up a lot junk but, in the back of my mind I think – this will make me a better mate and allow me to love again. So… here it goes! Yadda!


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