Book of Rememberance

Malachi 3:16

Life Gifts

Gifts. They are so commonly spoken of amongst Christians it gets confusing for me to know what people are even talking about half the time! And I wonder sometimes how much emphasis should we be placing on gifting rather than giving?

We need the Spiritual gifts…and lets not begin to separate and segregate “spiritual gifts” from “physical gifts” because everything God has put in us works together in both realms.

Our spiritual gift of encouragement for example (OK I don’t exactly blossom in this area myself but its an example!) You can see it and hear it in the people who are anointed in this way, they have the ability to speak life into you with just a word or comment. This uplifts us physically and helps to soften us, bring comfort whatever it is we need at the time – physically. But in the spirit it is also stirring something , and building us up in there too. Whatever God sees fitting. They work together.

So I intended before to share what I have learned about recognizing our gifts. In this I will be talking less about the  “spiritual gifts” but focusing on our life gifts.  I believe that studying the Bible and what God says about Spiritual gifts is enough to recognize which ones you are strong/weaker in.

So the Life gifts. These are a bit more tricky. Some people you can see their gift a mile away. Easy ones are things like beauty, leadership, singing, art, math, languages, speaking, listening (think counselors) and other areas like this that tend to have “jobs” associated with them.

But how about someone like me? I – for the longest time didn’t think I had any gift. I’m a TERRIBLE singer! I can’t do math hardly at all, I have been studying French and Japanese for years and am still hardly past introductory level (clearly languages are not my thing – but I press forward refusing to give up!) So then…what can I say? God didn’t gift me at all! He forgot about me! Hes mad at me, I’m not worthy, I messed up too much. These (now) sound ridiculous. But let me be honest until fairly recently this is exactly what I thought/felt.

So, when you are looking to find your gift–its there! Just gotta open your heart and eyes and see it for what it is!

This is a very brief list of things that helped point me towards my gifts:

  • Do what you enjoy – this is a huge indicator, God puts those desires in our hearts!
  •  What are you good at? What can you do fast and easy? or What do others ask you to help/do for them cause they just cant?

Other people may say “wow look at that” to something you have done, said or made ect… this is usually a clue that your gift is in operation and others are seeing it as wonderful.

  • What do you have a desire to study or learn about?

The Following are random Gifts that I never labeled as gifts until I met people who possessed them in a special way and or didn’t and I could see that I had something from God that I never thanked Him for!

– cleaning

-budgeting

-deductive reasoning

-efficiency/ speed at tasks

-multi-tasking

-remembering random information that is very much needed at later dates but useless now!

-understanding facial cues and expressions

-intuition of situations and people

-practical and logical thinking

-studying

-boldness

-ability to separate self from situation

-decorating

-organizing

-balance

Just to name a few!!! I’m sure I covered at least one thing in each person who reads this and that’s all I wanted to accomplish tonight.

Let us all take time daily to thank our Father for the wonderful gifts He has given us, and continue to pray for Him to teach us how to use them optimally for the furtherance of His Kingdom!

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Cant even think of a title

Feeling inclined to post something. Its been over a month since my last post – that means its been a month since my mom died. I’m unsure still about how I’m feeling and how/if I am even dealing with it.

It’s so confusing. I think it’s especially hard because of the nature of our relationship. Most people don’t have a clue about it. Hey even I don’t!

Her and I couldn’t live together, that’s true. But since moving to Japan our relationship became everything it should be. I needed her in a way I never did living closer to home.  She is the only person I can talk to about everything – and she wants to hear about it!

I know I have so many loved ones who tell me I can of course talk to them about anything and I do talk to them about almost everything, but there is not that one person now who I can be 100% open and myself with – no judgement or even half the time not trying to give advice. She just listened and cared about what was going on with me. I could spend hours telling her about the Love of Jesus and what I’m learning from the Bible, how Gods been speaking to me and even what His hope is for her life as well. I can do that with my Christian friends – but only the Christians. In the next breath I could tell her about my BF and struggles, hopes dreams, fears, mistakes and mess ups. I could tell her how I felt through that and not worry about her knowing I messed up and needing to tell me its sin. She just always listened and I know she just wanted me to finally find love and happiness with someone – whoever and however that would be.

She always wanted to hear about my students and how they were doing, what they were working on how they’re reading levels were or writing or whatever cute things they had done since last time we chatted. She cared about those details. Not just the basic how was work – she seriously wanted to hear the specifics and the details. I’m thankful for my friends coz they listen and think its cute, we have a mutual love in that department I’m grateful.

But as I come to terms with the fact that my weekly calls home will now be the obligatory “someone needs to answer the phone to her when she calls” type of thing. It’s all surface and casual. Hows work, hows Japan, anything new? (as if they even knew what was old…) I have been so empty. Lonely.

Wanting so desperately to talk to her about this pain, my recent heartbreak – (perfect timing!)  and my strange dreams about a certain someone who has not made an appearance in those dreams in quite some time!

What to do? I want to write more, I want to write about everything I would talk to her about. That would take too long and Id lose the few readers I already have! 🙂 haha

I’m happy to write on here again, even if it’s just to be sure I still have something to say…..

I know Christ will once again shine his love in my heart, and bring hope and healing to me yet again. I know He loves to do that! I’m thankful and hopeful for that to take place. Until, I want to allow myself to cry and mourn. For some reason or another I have only allowed myself that time once – the night I got the call and a few tears that have slipped through accidentally since. I don’t know why! I can’t help it when the tears fall but I am very good at controlling how much. They are stopped almost immediately.

I am trying to free myself to cry and mourn, it’s almost a battle. even now as I write this tears drop from pain but its restricted, withheld and confined to the minimum. Its weird whats going on inside! I know I should let it out, cry and just be, but instead I shake it off and tell myself its time for bed. Gotta sleep! Work tomorrow and I have to be energetic and happy for the kids, I don’t have time to cry – that’s time-consuming, and emotionally draining ! If I sleep now I don’t have time to think, or feel……..

Goodnight

 

 

 

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