Book of Rememberance

Malachi 3:16

Responsibility…….Responding to ability

on March 17, 2012

I have been studying a lot about surrender, and humility. Trading my plans for Gods and trying to learn to walk by the Spirit and live my whole life for God.

Its been a struggle and adventure. There are things I learned I needed to give up and blessings I never expected to receive. God has never ceased to amaze me with His giving and loving and closeness to every situation.

I have been seeking Him for years for a husband. I so badly want to be in love and experience all that side of humanity. Yet, He still has yet to come through in this particular area. It is frustrating to be believing God for something only He can do. I say that truly as I live in Japan and my church is about 97% woman, there are a few men all of which are married and or about 10-15 years older than myself or they are about 10-15 years younger than myself. I’m 29 so you can see my aggravation with the numbers!

But God lead me not only to Japan but to my church, and He planted me here so it’s really all up to Him at this point! I can’t make the people I meet Christian or make nice christian men come to me…and in this country they are rare to meet at all.  With very few Christians, and even fewer christian networks its pretty much All up to God to deliver!

As I was once again praying about this and reminding God that I’m 29 and not getting much younger, and all that stuff we woman say/think/feel. I was lead to Proverbs 31. Yikes. I read that and KNOW why I’m not married 🙂 Seriously does that women ever sleep?! ?! Moving on.

Verse 12 really struck me. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Wow! Read it again! She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

I read it a million times but for some reason I always read it this way: She will do him good and not evil all the days of her married life.

That’s not what it says though. No, I’m not married but I also have not been living my life in order to do Good to my husband all the days that I have been alive. In fact I have done many things that would be considered harm to him – whoever he is. Once God showed me that, it changed my perspective! I have been living so short-sighted. I have not walked in faith or hope at all but I have walked disappointed and resentful to God for not answering my prayers when I asked Him to, and not doing things the way I wanted and how I wanted them done when I wanted them done.

But there is some responsibility He wants me to take also. I have not lived the way He wants me to and I have been lusting after a husband for so long its adultery in His eyes. It is selfish and ME centered instead of God centered. I forget that’s not the only purpose God has for my life. Yes it’s a big one! I’m a women and there is some poor handsome man out there running around without a rib! BUT Gods plans are so much more extraordinary than just that! He wants all that …Plus, Abundant, More than, Overflowing ( Psalm 23:5, Malachi 3:10, John 10:10) and He doesn’t want me to settle for just one aspect of the wonderful plan He has for me as a woman but also as a son of God. (Gal 3:26, 4:7) [In this case I use son to mean no longer a child but an adult heir, ready to walk in the responsibilities as a mature child of God]

When we focus on something outside of God He is reluctant to give it to us no matter how much we pray and hope. He will never give us anything that will take our devotion away from Him. I lived so long without giving Him my whole heart, mind and strength. Because I was always focused on my heart needing human love and touch, and my strength coming from a man and my mind was focusing on what I did not have but wanted… more than I even wanted God to be in my life. Though I would never have said that – it is exactly what my prayers were making perfectly clear.

God is so wonderful and gracious, forgiving and loving. He has opened my eyes to see that Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matt 6:33)

Living all my days to do good to my still unknown husband has made me think differently before I step and more cautious to be fully at peace with where I believe God is leading me. I take more responsibility now and it has made me shift my focus off myself, and my dreams and turn them to Jesus who will guide me every step of the way and keep me planted firmly. That’s the only way I can live fully surrendered to Him and wanting His plans in my life while learning to forfeit my own. Because I have learned to face the truth – I am actually not that smart (and my plans never seem to work out!)

Proverbs 31:12 is only one of many things that God has been showing me this month about my choices, and paths I have taken in life and my responsibility to be led by Him. That is my God-given ability to respond to His leading. He has equipped each of us that through the Holy Spirit. We must respond to that ability within us and take each step prayerfully.

In the next post I will share what God has shown me about expectation and hope. It has changed so much about my daily life, routine and attitude., it’s almost not even me anymore!

I Praise You Lord for You are the Only Wise King!


3 responses to “Responsibility…….Responding to ability

  1. That is exactly what my mom went through before she found my dad. God did not bring her dad until she was fully content with where she was.

  2. Bree says:

    That’s a nice testimony for sure! I am very optimistic and hopeful for Gods delivery but am learning to wait for His timing and His wisdom if it is not His plan for me. Thanks for sharing!!

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