Book of Rememberance

Malachi 3:16

Overwhelmed

Wow, its been ages since Ive posted… it’s not even that I don’t have a million things to write about, and so many things that God has been doing in my life; But its just that I have a million things to write about and so many things that God has been doing in my life!

Its overwhelming and I have been having the hardest time putting it in to words even.  But at the same time I lost a part of  the journey from not taking the time to record it.

The purpose of writing this thing when I started was basically to just keep my own “book of remembrance” about everything that God has done for me and in me in order to remind myself in those times when I feel He has left me (even though I know He never has… sometimes that feeling can win over the knowledge) that actually I am His very own and He has everything under control.

A while back I was posting things about the journey that God had taken me on in order to meet… myself. It was horrible! But it was necessary. And since that time I have been so much more open to Him and His ways than I had ever been before.

Its an amazing place to get to when you can actually with ALL Honesty say “whatever Your will Lord, not mine”

I had said those words about various situations in my life countless times.. but never meant it with the degree of sincerity that I learned from last year of getting to know myself.
I’m thinking of Luke 22:62 in which Peter met himself after having denied the Lord. I can kind of understand what happened inside of Peter. He thought he was alright, he thought he was strong and ready… but then he met himself and weeping followed. I also met myself for the first time… and wept bitterly.

But this was an awesome year even though there were some very painful things as well. I learned a lot about my family -especially my dad after my mom died. It helped me to see myself and them from a different perspective.  I continued to learn a lot about myself. I learned that inside this broken heart and damaged soul there was still that same innocence and femininity that I had so bottled up and shoved deep down, away from the world to see.

I learned some weird things about myself, and memories I had long forgotten became so clear and vivid. God is amazing at that kind of stuff… at just the right moments. He reminded me of my girly-ness and how much I enjoy wearing dresses, ribbons and bows. He showed me my old personality, completely void of harshness, cynicism and negativity….this is taking time to get back but I have noticed great changes already. He is worthy of praise!!

Slowly but surely I’m coming back to being that girl once again. I’m starting to remember who I was and who He made me to be. The hurts and pain in my past were very real, but they are just that – PAST! and unless I allow them to, they no longer have any bearing on my current life and future path. I no longer want them to have a say about how I feel in situations, or how I react, how I communicate or how I view other people.

God is preparing each of us for this life and the Will He has for us to live with Joy and Peace and Love. For each of us this road is very different and not all lead to the same ends. But I’m now coming to understand that each place the Lord brings us to really will be for His Glory and therefore our fulfillment because nothing will fulfill us the way that bringing Praise and Glory to His name ever will.

I’m in a brand new place at this very moment, in all areas of of my life. But most importantly the place I am with the Lord right now is the most exhilarating. I am struggling in many aspects but victorious at the same time! I’m pressing in and calling out to Him desperate and hungry for more… but at the same time I’m ultimately satisfied and peaceful.  (Peace being the most unfamiliar experience in my life until now.)

I guess this is what pruning feels like. Its painful! -Shears and clippers are sharp and do damage to some of the things we may not be ready to cut off… but in the end I will produce a greater quality of fruit than I currently produce so I choose to be thankful and appreciative of this time.

The Lord is FULL of surprises! He loves to do that kind of thing I think. I often tell people when you pray very specifically to the Lord about what you want and think you need; He will give you none of it and all of it.  This is the truest thing I have discovered in recent days and every day it becomes much clearer and truer!

Take some time one of  these days to meet yourself. You may be surprised what you learn – but allowing God to reveal you to you will bring nothing short of Glory to His Holy Name in the end. Isn’t that what it’s all about anyway? Selah.

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